We did some partying at my house this week. This girl is pooped!
My sweet husband had his birthday, and I try to do it up big for him. His birthday is four months before mine, and since I pretty much declare my birthday a national holiday, I like to let him see how good it feels to be celebrated all day.
But, also this week, I was in the midst of preparing to host a party for a dear friend on behalf of her husband. We threw her a surprise birthday party at my house and had a lot of fun. I LOVE to event-plan. I love the decorating and the cooking and planning the little things to make someone feel special.
Somewhere in the midst of me planning and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I got a tooth-ache. Now, let me say, I come from a line of good teeth. I had two grandparents who never had a cavity, and I’m lining up under that “good-teeth umbrella.” No cavities for this girl! And I hate the dentist and would be sooo happy if I never had to go back. So, when my tooth started to hurt, I moved to the land called Denial. And, in my defense, it really felt like something in my gums–not a cavity.
So, it hurt and hurt until chewing became difficult, and soup became my friend. And for a meal to hurt me is like a betrayal.
This went on for about ten days. Finally, Christian looked at me and said, “I’m making you a dentist appointment in the morning.” Instantly, my heart was beating way too fast, and I begged him to never say those horrible words again. “Could you guys just please pray for me?” I asked. My family circled up and laid hands on me and prayed.
And then, I left for the midnight premiere of a movie that my teenaged daughter is obsessed with.
Now, I’m going to tell you straight up that I believe God heals. I have seen miraculous healings with my own eyes. My husband and I have laid hands on our children many times and our kids have been healed. I have seen miracles, but never personally have been healed. More on that later, but first, a story.
Once upon a time, my husband, when he was just a cute little boy, was severely allergic to cats. Since he was little, he has loved kitties, but his eyes used to swell shut from even being in the same room as a cat. His dad saw this and it must have broken his heart for his son because Christian’s parents laid hands on him and prayed for him to be healed.
Several days later Christian saw a kitten in the empty lot next door and brought it home to play with it. Christian’s dad came home and said, “Son! What are you doing! You can’t play with that cat! You’re allergic!”
“No, I’m not,” little Christian declared, “God healed me, remember?”
Sure enough, he was completely healed, and we have the kitties to prove it.
Not having been raised this way made this kind of faith a journey for me. I’ve seen it, believed for it for my own children, but if I was to be honest, I always knew that God was capable of healing me, but not sure that He would want to when I asked.
I guess I was making it about my unworthiness instead of His amazingness. How very human of me.
There’s a difference between what we know in our mind and what we believe in our heart isn’t there? The twelve inches or so from our head to our heart can be a great distance.
So back to my tooth. This time, I decided in my heart and mind to EXPECT to be healed. I changed my words from, “My tooth is hurting” to “God’s healing my tooth!” And, as I went through the evening accompanied by screaming fans in a theater, I literally felt my teeth changing. Good thing it was dark in there because I would’ve looked pretty silly the way my tongue was feeling my tooth! By the time I got home, the pain that had ruined my days and meals was almost gone. Within twenty-four hours I was chewing on that side of my mouth! After more than ten days of pain, God healed me! Let me tell you, the biggest battle was, as usual, in my mind. But this time, I just decided to believe. I didn’t let any thoughts in that sounded like doubt. I just waited with expectation for a healing and claimed it with my words.
And He is good.
And I am grateful.
Who am I to doubt Him and His love for me? How many times do I just accept less than He wants to offer me because I think so small?
I am in love with a God Who is big enough to heal my heart, my body, and even my thinking. Who can stick money to a wall just because I asked. Who can change my life in the blink of an eye because I let Him. Or not, because I don’t.
Does He always heal? Obviously not. I don’t know why. I don’t have answers for all the pain folks go through. I do know that life in this world isn’t meant to be perfect. No one ever said it would.
I do know, though, that I’d rather hold His hand all the way through than try to go it alone. And, in the meantime, the perks and benefits sure make a girl feel loved.